Well, Hello there..

I haven't been the best about updating. This I know. Usually what I do is while I'm at work or school, and it's a slow night with little to no customers, or I'm not paying attention to the teacher, is I will just write what I want to talk about, or just write out the actual posts. But then when I get home, or go on my breaks at school, I either lose those papers or forget about posting.
I'm going to start putting them up in the next few weeks, and consequently, writing MORE of them, but here is the most recent one. (They don't necessarily have to go in order, since the subjects of them are all about cutting, and all sporadic.)

Sometimes I can't stop feeling the way I used to--like cutting is the only way out. Like nothing and no one can help me. Of course, I haven't resorted to it yet. my sister, my niece, my mom and grams, and the tattoo I got symbolizing my struggle to overcome self-injury on my own are all factors keeping me from doing it again. Oh yeah, and also a little bit of common sense telling me it won't help and after I do it I'll just feel shame, not relief.
The boyfriend keeps me from it sometimes, but other times he's the one almost making me want to. And I know, I know, why be with someone like that, it's bad for your health, bad for your recovery, blah blah. But I really do thing it's just my brain's first reaction, not him. Like, it was ingrained in my memory for so long that I still get those urges when things get...screwy. Obviously I know it's the wrong thing to do, so I don't.
But, like alcoholism, or eating disorders, it IS an addiction. People who do this, we need help, we need understanding and compassion. I'm one of what is probably very few who overcame it with no medicine, no doctors, no professional help. And it was indredibly difficult.
maybe when I have more money, I'll go talk to a professional counselor, but for now I just have the blogosphere. How lucky am I.