RYL chat IV

Sorry guys, I know this is like excessively long. That's why I'm doing it in segments, and trying to break it up as the conversation switches topics, so you can read part and come back. Stick with me, and I promise I'll get back to posting about myself (haha).


Tex. joined the room.
Grrr....: Hi Tex.
Tex.: hey
Grrr....: How are you today>
WorkmeOut joined the room.
Grrr....: ?*
Tex.: ehh
Tex.: you?
mew90 Hi workmeout
WorkmeOut: Hi Mew90
mew90 how are you?
Grrr....: I'm not the greatest, but I'll get over it... whats going on tex?
WorkmeOut: Im Ok, always worst. Been better, how about you??
fourinone joined the room.
mew90 I'm doing alright, whats up?
fourinone: sigh
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mew90 (not trying to exclude anyone here just thought I'd greet workmeout since no one had)
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Grrr....: Hey Eli.
mew90 Hello to fourinone, broken, kayakov, and lemon
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Kayakov: Shooorty
fourinone: i cut :(
Kayakov: I'm watching a hot gayboy movie that just turned into a sad gayboy movie. :/
WorkmeOut: Thanks mew90... I just like to ask, Anyone had such a guilty conscience, that it affects everything you do?
mew90 fourinone: what made you want to SH?
Grrr....: fourinone: oh... thats not good.... but slipping up is a part of recovery, you just have to pick yourself up, and brush yourself off... (thats a metaphor)
mew90 WorkmeOut: like, stop you from doing things, or just make you more cautious in doing them?
fourinone: i feel like a hypocrite
mew90 fourinone: how so?
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fourinone: i made my own support site where i tell others not to cut and that ab*se isnt there fault but i blame myself and cut
WorkmeOut: Well, that it completely takes over your thoughts. It's creeping up so slowly. It came to a holt last year, when I was sectioned. I got Put on meds, everything went calm for a short while and bang, its back in my face. I'm just not really sure of the best solution, I have other things, i need to deal with, however This is just completely blocking things.
mew90 fourinone: It sounds like you can look at the logical side of it but just have trouble applying it to yourself
Grrr....: fourinone: i agree with mew..
WorkmeOut: Fourinone, I always find its easier to say that to other. But a lot harder to apply that to yourself.
mew90 WorkmeOut: Do you think if you went back on meds, or, the less drastic solution, talked to someone about it, it could help you work past it?
fourinone: fuc k
mew90 Agreed to workmeout. It's always harder to fix it when you're the one having to apply it. It's easier to tell someone else because you know the solution but don't have to work on it
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fourinone: it hurts
mew90 -----> non related question. I'd like to post this chat on my blog about SH because it has a lot of good points, tips, and issues. Is there anyone who would object to that and if so, if I only used the first letter or two of your username, would THAT be alright? if not I can edit out those parts
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WorkmeOut: I'v been On meds for about 3 years now, the meds I am on now. They blocked every emotion for a while. I have BPD? So these med's are mainly for this. My S/W- Know's nothing about this Guilt. They constantly kept asking last year 'Has something happened this year, something significant' and I just couldn't tell them. I think talking to someone would help. But would this be maybe a counsellor or would My social worker be able to help me with this.. I think It's quite a trigger for my Self harm this year and last..
Grrr....: I have no issues with you posting this chat on your blog.
mew90 Grrr....: Thanks you!
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WorkmeOut: Fourinone - What Hurts? The SH?
mew90 fourinone: I know it's really difficult to stop, but you get to the point where your cutting makes you feel worse, not better, and you have to work yourself out of it or it will be an endless circle
mew90 ----> Interjection for blog; I reference this waaay up above in the chat while talking to Grrr.... about my own issues
WorkmeOut: Fourinone are You seeing anyone (MH professional) that May be able to help you break the cycle?
fourinone: i have a therapist
fourinone: she wants me to talk about my flashbacks out loud, its too hard
Grrr....: fourinone: have you told her that its too hard?
WorkmeOut: That's good you have a therapist. You should tell your therapist, it's hard for you.
WorkmeOut: He or she will go at your pace.
fourinone: she knows
fourinone: but she keeps pushing me
fourinone: its been a year since she found out about what mom did
Grrr....: fourinone: have you tried talking about the flashbacks with your therapist? or did you just assume its too hard?
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WorkmeOut: You need to make it clear to her, that Your willing to work through this. But at a slower pace maybe? I'm no expert, but if your not ready then your not ready. I'd seen my old Therapist when I was in the Psychiatric unit, And I said 'Im sorry I didn't try' Her response was 'You weren't ready then, You really were not ready'and a lot of my trouble happened about 8 years ago.... Perhaps its a little too soon for you??
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fourinone: ive tried
mew90 Just don't get into the mindset that you'll never be ready and be willing to eventually work through it
WorkmeOut: You've tried to tell them? Or you've tried to work through it already?
fourinone: both
mew90 Have you considered taking your patient history/files and switching to a different therapist that can help you work through your problems, but not push you too hard? Maybe one that will move slower, but not stop the progress altogether?
WorkmeOut: Maybe a little slower then. You must never stop trying. Even if its the smallest of steps. Every step is Big progress.
mew90 WorkmeOut: agreed
mew90 Any progress, whether over months or years, however fast or slow, is still a step in the right direction, the important thin is to not give up and to keep working towards it
fourinone: i have problems trusting people, its amazing i trust her as much as i do
WorkmeOut: Definitely. It might not seem like it now, but one day - You'll be at a point in life where You will be able to work through. .
fourinone: she is the only adult who knows about my mpd
WorkmeOut: So trusting, that's a start yeah? A step in the right direction?
mew90 what's mpd? Sorry, still learning all the abbreviations
Grrr....: Multiple Personality Disorder?
fourinone: yeah
WorkmeOut: I just had to google that too.
WorkmeOut: Ok. So I'm guessing this has been diagnosed By a Professional yes?
Grrr....: I didnt google it.... I've heard about it, but its usually called DID (Dissociative Identity Disordre) now....
Grrr....: disorder**
fourinone: im working on a support site i made
fourinone: yes my therapist diagnosed it
fourinone: shes met my alters
WorkmeOut: No No, sorry I didn't mean you'd googled it.. I meant i Had to google, didn't know like Mew90. Sorry
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Grrr....: WorkmeOut: oh.. okay.. sorry.. my fault.. I misunderstood.
WorkmeOut: Ok. Well Can I tell You what My Social worker told me. Just as an example. We're going to work on the BPD, before we start going into My past experiences. She's going to help me understand more, the way I am, the things I may do. Has your therapist done this with you? Do You Understand MPD, Why You have been diagnosed with this?
WorkmeOut: No Problem Grrr... :)
fourinone: my mom s*xually ab*sed me daily unitl my body was 15
mew90 (bpd...bipolar disorder?)
fourinone: borderline
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WorkmeOut: Sorry, Borderline Personality..
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Grrr....: yeah... the abbreviation bpd always makes me wonder too, cuz technecally it could be either... so.. yeah....
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ainomitama joined the room.
ainomitama: hi
WorkmeOut: Hi ainomitama
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ainomitama: hey
WorkmeOut: Grrr.... Yeah Whenever I'm looking for Info, typing in BPD - always brings up Bipolar.
ainomitama: how are you?
MissKat88: hey
fourinone: im gonna try and sleep